4 1/2 weeks to go…
Where did the time go? I have so much to do!
I got an email from one of those “your pregnancy this week…” groups, and it said that if you’re a procrastinator, now’s the time to stop procrastinating and get. things. done.
Great – now I’m getting guilt from my email.
Nursery? Not finished.
Freezer meals? Not made.
House? In need of a good cleaning.
Prenatal classes? Still attending.
Hospital bag? Not packed.
I’m tired. Sleep is a distant memory. I saw my midwife today and she said that I looked the worst that she had ever seen me. She asked why the heck I was still working, and told me to call off for the rest of the week. She said that if I wanted to, I could work next week, but no more this week.
So I did. I felt guilty about it, but the truth is that work has been hard. I’m officially off the roster and just coming in when I want to, but I feel conflicted. I feel like I should be there, but also that I should be taking care of myself. Coming home and seeing bruises on my belly and arms and legs from running around the ER all day makes me feel like I’m not being careful. Feeling like I’ve gone through a 5 hour hot flash is miserable. Opening the door from the staff bathroom and seeing a health care assistant nervously standing outside, who then tells me that she “just wanted to make sure I hadn’t passed out in there” is a bit embarrassing. Having doctors come up to me with cold glasses of water and telling me to sit down and check my blood pressure when I feel like I have a million things to do is exhausting. It’s also hard when you feel that everyone is working full-stop, but they’re distracted because you apparently look as though you’re about to pass out (There must’ve been 20 people yesterday who asked me, “Are you OK?!”, all with very concerned expressions on their faces. Some of them were my patients.).
Anyway, I’m glad that I’m not going into work tomorrow. I need to rest. I haven’t been able to sleep for more than 2 – 4 hours at a time with anywhere from a 1 – 2 hour awake period in between (this is during the night – I’m usually up all day). I’ve also had some sad cases at work lately and I haven’t been able to sleep for thinking about them. And apparently, it shows (as my midwife so kindly informed me). She reminded me that it’s not just about getting to the birth and getting through the pregnancy. It’s about being in a healthy state of mind and a healthy physical state for what comes after the pregnancy. As she put it, “If you gave birth now, or even 2 weeks from now, you would not be ready.” And she wasn’t talking about my little list of chores – she meant emotionally, physically, and spiritually. And she was right. I need to take a step back and relax.
As far as milestones and measurements go, things are OK. I’m 35 1/2 weeks and measuring 37 cms for fundal height (Rule of thumb is that fundal height – a means of measuring baby’s growth in utero – corresponds roughly with your week of pregnancy. I think we’re going to have a tall baby!). I’ve gained 16 pounds, which is on the low end but still within an OK range. I’ve had several appointments where my weight has stayed exactly the same, and that was the case this week. Since my fundal height is still increasing, it’s not something I’m worried about. All it means is that baby is growing and gaining weight, but I’m losing it in other places, so total weight is maintained.
And as far as getting stuff done, there is one very important thing that I can check off my to-do list:
First post-baby bottle of wine? Purchased!
Have a great week, everyone 🙂