I was in church, about 5 or 6 pews from the back, sitting next to a guy that I had a major crush on (which makes this story so much worse). About halfway through the sermon I realized that I had to go to the bathroom. It was a pretty big church, and there was no way for me to discreetly step out, so I figured I’d wait. I waited, and waited, and waited. The pastor was a guest pastor, and I think he must’ve gotten confused about the normal times, because I swear it was the sermon that would not end! I sat there, crossing and uncrossing my legs, trying to think of anything other than my bladder, and kept waiting. I began to realize that there was no hope for it – I was just gonna have to crawl over everyone in the pew, make my way to the aisle, go the bathroom, then come back.
I stood up and sort of half-walked, half-scooted to the aisle. Here’s where the problems began. I was so fixated on going to the bathroom that I had failed to realize that my left foot had fallen into a coma. I stumbled the moment I tried to put weight on it. I grabbed the back of the pew, caught myself, and thought, “Whew! That was close!” Naturally, everyone turned to see what was going on, including crush-guy, so I had a great big audience for my next move. I stepped out into the aisle and… fell flat on my face! I’m serious – my face was on carpet. Everyone was watching, including the pastor who was nice enough to momentarily pause in his sermon, causing anyone that might have missed it to look my way. My face was beet red! I got up as gracefully as possible, smiled, and walked right out the door. I was so mortified that I completely lost the urge to go to the bathroom. Ai yi yi!