Opposite Day

Let’s play a little game called “Opposite Day”…

Today, I actually remembered to eat breakfast.

The courier service for our groceries delivered my order on time.  It did not deliver my order 3 days late.  The order of eggs was not entirely broken and dripping into the potatoes.  I did not argue with the courier through the intercom, insisting that he bring the order upstairs as opposed to just dumping it on the mail room floor.

I did not win the argument with the courier.

Joe did not fall face-first into the corner of his record player, leaving a triangular bruise in the center of his forehead.

Joe did not take a morning nap.

I did not have to wake Joe up from his nap and then race to catch the bus.

I had a terrible time at my postnatal workout group and left in a huff.

Joe was really enjoying himself on the picnic rug, not crying at all.  I did not have to stop my workout, pick him up, and dry his tears.

I did not just barely miss the bus back home.

I did not have to feed Joe his lunch while sitting in the bus stop.

I did not catch a bus that said it was going to my stop, only to have the bus driver stop somewhere else, turn around, and tell me (the only passenger + Joe) that I would have to get off and catch another bus without offering any explanation.

I did not get frustrated when I saw that the next bus was more than 30 minutes out.

I did not decide to start walking toward home, and then about 2 minutes into the walk remember that I hadn’t eaten anything all day, which would explain why I wasn’t feeling a bit lightheaded.

I did not somehow manage to get slightly lost in a part of town that I’ve walked through on several occasions.

I did not get annoyed or blow great, loud, bellowing sighs of frustration.

The bus that was supposed to be 30 minutes out did not zoom past me 5 minutes later.

I did not have to hike up a giant hill, sweating and grumbling while pushing the pram.

Our pastor did not give me a friendly wave as he drove past us, merrily beeping the horn and witnessing my full post-workout, food-deprived glamorous self.

Joe was not a happy camper throughout all of this, cheerily singing to himself and swinging his feet.  He did not make me smile.

I did not seriously consider taking a pit stop at a Wendy’s restaurant.

I did not get home to a boatload of emails for stuff that I am selling on TradeMe.  I did not get the shakes while attempting to email these people, then remember that I hadn’t eaten anything.

I did not make myself a big, fat, unhealthy grilled cheese sandwich and then eat every last crumb.  And I did not like it.

I did not (finally) get my order of things for Joe.  I did not order him a sleep sack for the cold winter nights ahead.  I did not order him Lamington socks for the cold winter days ahead.
I did not wash the sleep sack or socks.

Joe did not go down for his nap well.  He cried and fussed.  He did not let me cuddle him, sing to him, kiss him, and tell him how much I love him.

I did not spend another hour answering TradeMe emails and emails of various sorts.  I did not email Chris and tell him that if one more person asked me to measure the insole of his shoes that I would go crazy.  No one asked annoying questions about things I was selling, and no one ended their questions with “????????”.

I did not make a quadruple batch of vegan potato carrot lentil soup for the freezer.

I did not take a wonderful shower today while Joe napped.  I also didn’t catch a 20 minute power nap and then wake with a start, feeling guilty.

Joe did not wake up from his nap in a good mood.  He was not singing.  He was not laughing.  He did not get a big grin when he saw me and jump up and down.

I didn’t scoop him up and kiss his fuzzy head, telling him how wonderful he was.

Joe did not throw his afternoon snack of apple slices on the floor.  I did not break down, take him out of the chair, and give him a teething bikkie to gnaw on while I finished supper.

I did not make a zucchini (courgette) and brown rice bake with carrots and sauteed onions.  I was not so hungry that I felt like snarfing down the whole thing and not telling Chris.

I did not get frustrated or annoyed today.

I did not go to work this evening.

I did not get home after 11:30pm and have a glass of wine.

I did not write this blog post, and I do not feel much better!

********

So, my lovely readers, what didn’t you do today?!

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8 comments

  1. Eliz says:

    I DID re-wire my attitude a long time ago to turn the most absurd thiings into positives, because that is just what they do here or else they’d off themselves. 😉

  2. Laura's Blonde Moments says:

    I do not LOVE this post and I don’t plan on writing one myself one day! I didn’t have a visit from my inlaws and I did not actually enjoy our visit this time. I didn’t eat two slices of eggplant parmigiana pizza last night and a cookie, and I certainly didn’t feel awful about this later! I do not plan on attending church this morning and I do not plan on having a lazy Sunday afterwards!

  3. Travis says:

    Oh my. You looked so happy and intentional when I honked and waved that I didn’t even think of stopping when I saw you. So sorry, I could have given you a lift back to your place.

    This is not an opposite comment by the way.

  4. Valerie says:

    I did not fall asleep after turning off my alarm this morning & I did not wake up 30 minutes later in a panic. I did not leave late for work & I did not get stuck behind a school bus on my way there.

    This opposite thing is kinda fun! I’m glad Joe seemed to be in a good mood. Give him a kiss from me!

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