Tap-Tap… Is This Thing Still On?

I think that 5 1/2 weeks is the longest that I’ve gone without writing on this blog.  Normally, I seem to have lots to say and can never go without posting for that length of time.

This latest blog silence isn’t because I haven’t had anything to say.  It’s because I’ve had too much to say.  I’ve felt too many emotions to write them all down without starting to cry halfway through the process.  It’s hard for me to clearly convey what it has felt like to leave New Zealand and to move back to the United States.  Happy.  Sad.  Homesick.  Excited.  Nostalgic.  Guilty.  Relieved.  Familiar.  Lonely.  Hopeful.

I’m going to take another whack at writing some of these thoughts down in the next few days.  Over and over again, I’ve found it helpful to go back to old blog posts and remember what I was feeling at a particular point in time.  Sometimes, I laugh and shake my head at that younger version of myself.  Sometimes, I nod in agreement.  Sometimes, I remember things that I’d forgotten or am encouraged because what felt like a real low point was, in fact, a period of change and opportunity, something that I could only recognize in hindsight.

So, my lovely readers (all 3 that still remain, including my sister!), keep an eye on this space.  What comes next may be a jumbled mess, but moving back has been a messy, emotional process and I’m still sorting it out.  However, it has also been a growing experience that has revealed a bit more of God’s grace in my life, has brought me closer to my family, and has helped me to remember and discover personal strengths.  Thanks for reading 🙂

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4 comments

  1. Rebecca Jo says:

    I can’t even imagine the emotions with that kind of move… AND having a new baby on top of it…
    I freak out if I get home from work an hour late…much less move across the globe!

  2. Priscilla says:

    I’m still here too 🙂 you’ve had a massive past 6 months and moving countries/cities always comes with mixed emotions. Looking forward to reading your thoughts on the experience (plus you always write so well) 🙂

    Even though I know I’m only going to be in the UK for 2 years max, that last week I had in NZ with packing things up and saying ‘see ya laters’ felt like i was climbing an emotional mountain in a lot of ways. And I know that when I do return home, I won’t be exactly the same person I was when I left and that there will be some things that will have changed at home too.

    Can’t wait to Skype with you guys, let me know when’s a good date/time 🙂

  3. Jenny in Iowa says:

    I’m still here 🙂 In fact, I was just thinking of you the other day and almost dropped you a line to see how you were doing! All I can say is – I KNOW. It is HARD!!! You may be suffering a little from reverse culture shock…? This is a term I had never heard of until recently but it made me realise that I experienced it when we tentatively moved back to NZ in 2007 after 5 years of living in the States. It was such an emotional 6 months for me and I had feelings I couldn’t even explain at the time. Obviously we made the decision to return to the States but that was heart wrenching as well. However, like you, God carried me through it all by His grace. Even now, I’m still learning things from the experience – all these years after we returned to life over here! When you have had the amazing privilege of being able to live in two wonderful countries, you’ll always leave a piece of your heart in each place. If you ever need to ‘talk’ to someone else who knows exactly where you are coming from, just email me 🙂 HUGS, Jenny

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